It's Ok You Are Forgiven

Wait........What?! Moments

Let me be the first to tell you that I love my city! But I witnessed what can only be described as a "wait...what?!" moment the other day. As I was sitting outside enjoying the crisp fall air in my lovely downtown coffee spot my eyes were drawn to the park across the way. I like to call this little jem of a park "bum park" due to well you guessed it ...bums. Now I will try to gently describe to you what occurred but If you know me well I won't pull any punches. There were two homeless gentlemen sharing a bench ...not uncommon you say? I agree... one was missing an arm the other had both of his appendages which seemed to be intact. The one armed man had his head back and what drew my attention was his rather loudish grunt/moan. Well the reason for the head back with said moan was the one-armed fellow was enjoying a hand job.......(yes I'll wait for you to catch that.........got it?.....I KNOW RIGHT!) from his two armed companion. For some reason my brain had difficulty processing this ...."his he ....really?...in the park?......wait!.......what?!"

True story kids. I love Tacoma.

Another moment that I want to share is that of pure gluttony UGH! This is a touchy subject but i'll be blunt its gross. So I'm sitting in an accounting office TRYING to get "Uncle Sugar"(Uncle Sam ..the government) to pay me back my 4000.00 dollars it keeps garnishing from me. I was being very successful with this young chap with a ache problem he was actually getting me more money! Thanks little guy! His civilian counter-part walks in and it's this robust large woman carting burgers and fries from a fast food joint. After sitting down she proceeds to devour its contents: 2 large burgers 1 large fry and a huge soda product. It hurts my heart and bowels just to type this to you. How can you eat this don't you know how "Biggest Loser" big you are!? But she wasn't done.....after her meal she went to the fridge in the office and came back with a pint of ice cream!?Wait .....What?!........(I KNOW RIGHT!) Fast forward to the evening I'm watching Sportscenter waiting for the game to come on and a Victoria's Secret ad for "What is Sexy?!" came on and my mind flashed to this woman who was maybe in her late 30's. GODDAMMIT AMERICA! we really need to eat better. I'll you what isn't sexy gross people who devour hormone laced meat cooked in fat and deep-fried taters by the 18-wheeler load. Because of this I joined this FullCircleFarms. They deliver organic produce and if wanted free-range natural beef and slow grown pork ( Ok yeah TallGirl did kinda influence this) plus artisan cheeses! I pick my bi-weekly stipend up at my gym which is convenient and sexy! So now when I go to the gym and workout then leave with organic produce the girl with the bigger arms than me knows I dig nutrition.

Aardvark Sunday

Tall Girl Tuesday!

IT'S TALL GIRL TUESDAY!!!!!!! In honor of TallGirl and Tuesday I give you failures on a treadmill. ENJOY!!!!!!!

wait there's more.

The Human Voice

I was talking to a wonderful person today about a project that I want to really do. I'm passionate about things I believe are important to me and really important to the world ...she knows this and I secretly think she loves this quality about me. But I also get scatterbrained. I have all these opinions and ideas and thoughts that need direction and structure and I thank her for telling me this and supporting me. But in the end its really the human voice..... How else can I listen to you.

The Human Voice from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

Rain

It's raining here again. Actually it's been raining here all weekend which in itself is nothing new but today it's different. I did something that for some reason I'm not feeling good about. I went outside in my 10 dollar work jacket and my Gap jeans and my Van shoes and stood there...in the rain and let it soak my face. It felt so good the chill of it as it slowly ran down my face onto my neck and into my free t-shirt. It awakened me and cleansed my thoughts and fears. I'm back in my apartment...my cave...and even though my skin is dry now I can still feel the wonderful chill on my cheeks.

I think I really need a dog.

Big Joe and Tall Women Who Eat

The Vice President was in our fair Grit City the other day and I had a chance to see him! I know I know you're asking yourself ...Danger... how?! Well I live on Pacific Ave directly below a mediocre microbrewery and eatery which just so happened to be where the massive motorcade was scheduled to stop. As I was watching Big Joe parked below me...I couldn't see and I wanted a picture of him (who doesn't!) so I opened my window to lean out and get a good pic. DON'T DO THAT! I'm serious don't... this was of course a bad idea. Secret Service pointed at me and below me I could hear the radio traffic from the many state and local law officials say" Window opened 8th floor facing north" I thought as I heard this "I live on the 8th floor". I snapped about two pics then looked down to see cops galore looking at me. I shut the window. Now being trained as a sniper in the military I instantly thought "Wow you just became a target stupid!" But here is a fun factoid The VP is a big guy! I mean he's a tall dude.

On a side note TallGirl has a new blog and its about food! TallGirleating

She just started this blog and she just moved to Minneapolis so get ready to hear about the art of gastronomy(google this word its awesome!)

Hugs and PBR

This is a text conversation that I had with someone that I thought was worth sharing.

Me:(slightly drunk) Why do we hug? What does the action represent? Are we trying to become one with each other? Why do some hugs mean nothing yet others transfer warmth, love, lust, passion, ....love ? Why do we hug?

Her: Hugs are good. Its human touch, its knowing we're not alone, its the warmth of two bodies, it can be comforting or comfortable or it can be tense with passion. We hug so we can physically know what we cerebrally understand, that we're one part of a whole. We hug to feel connected.

Oxycodone and Kurosawa

I recently got knee surgery and was given Morphine and Oxycodone. I'm afraid of the Morphine so I feel in love with the Oxy(It likes to be called that...it told me).

So here I am feeling no pain and watching Akira Kurosawa flicks. Narcotics and Samurai's ...who doesn't do this !?

Q&A

Q: Are you suicidal?!

A: Only in the morning.

You Got Mail /Druggie

This is a 2 part post

Have you ever noticed that you can block spam on your email accounts and never waste your time with wading through forwards from people wanting to increase your penis size, Viagra on the cheap, pictures from people you don't know (only it be an scamware or a virus) or countless adds for products you don't need. Why the hell is my real snailmail mailbox full of this ...shit!

FULL!

Living in this day and age there must be more trees killed than ever before just to print this stupid crap. Dominos is having a special on pizza ...i don't like your pizza!......Big 5 sports is having a sale on Columbia jackets .....thats cool I guess but I don't need a new jacket.....I will take a look at your fishing lures though. I wish I could put a spam folder in my mailbox

On another note I got my bike back and I rode it to Red Hot movie night last night.

One of my good friends and co-workers is a drug addict. I mean hard into it Morphine, Ketamine, Valium. He was caught in his room in Afghanistan with a needle in his arm and empty vials of Morphine on the counter. I guess he was on a 3 day bender. He is such a smart and brilliant man. He is one of the smartest "Medics" I've ever worked with. He was getting out of the military to attend medical school and I had no doubt he would've been a brilliant doctor. I have to pick him up from the airport and drive him back to the base where he will be confined to the barracks. Due to the fact that the drugs he was caught with were the controlled medications assigned to his unit. He cannot go home to see his wife, his dogs, his family. I have to guard my friend as if he was a criminal and a deviant. He needs help and friends to be kind and understanding not to nail him upon a cross and crucify him. Feeling as a pariah myself I will not shun him like the military so often does. Insulate not isolate. That is what they taught us in prisoner survival, resistance, and escape (SERE)school. isolation is the quickest way to death. He needs help and we will give it to him. This is becoming a problem more and more. Another really good friend came home from Afghanistan and begged me for anything to take the edge off. I didn't do it instead I talked to him about what happened. This war has to end we need a break or we will surely break.

Quigley Down Under

There are 4 things that are keeping me awake tonight

1. I gave a sweet made by me single speed bike as a gift ...now that person hates me .....do I ask for the bike back? It's a sweet bike.

2. My only person I have that I can confide in and spew my fears too is my mother. Which in itself isn't bad but I'm super sexually deprived and frustrated so that's a problem for me.

3. I'm scared I will fail in civilian life and not have a wonderful life that I so desperately want

4. I think that reading all this Kerouac has got me reenacting his life and his problems with finding and keeping a woman

Oh well Quigley Down Under just started.

Frog DNA and Fish Tacos

So I'm sitting in my apartment sweating mind you due to the fact that I'm on the 8th floor and well....heat rises. Anyways I had a craving for some Taco Del Mar down the block so I put my pants back on because walking around in boxers might not go over well in public and off I went. I took a second to say hello to Mt. Rainier and began my urban absorption of Pacific Ave. I love the city. I got to the store and I was greeted by a nice fellow with whom I placed my order with. That in itself isn't weird just the young woman at the table behind me was. She saw that I have tattoos running the length of the back of my arm. "OOOOH I bet that hurt!?" she says. Of course I made a quick assessment of her hotness level and kindly replied " Yeah it sure did!" I don't know what started it or if she was fucking with me but she began to fire all these odd facts and conspiracy theories at me. It was crazy !! She asked me if I was a member of the band called "Band of Horses" because I had a BoH tee on. She then told me she was stung by a bee once because she was wrestling a boy at school...then told me about a species of ant that seeks out human flesh to consume and not only that he talks to his other ant buddies and they plan then conduct "flesh raids" on villages ...somewhere in the world I didn't catch the name. I was so amazed by this yet freaked out at the same time I mean I couldn't wait for my fish tacos yet I kinda wanted them to take a little bit longer for fear of missing more of these revelations. The final factoid dropped on me was about a frog in I think North America that you can freeze completely in a block of ice Then you can thaw this frog out and he/she will still be alive due to there being a chemical in the frogs blood that keeps froggie from freezing. Now that in itself isn't the best part ..the best part is that governments are trying to harness this power and splice this chemical into human DNA so lets say astronauts won't freeze or they can be frozen for deep space travel. But what this young lady thinks is that whatever government or country harnesses this technology they can rule the world by somehow through more science freeze the continents they don't like and with this chemical injected into "ice troops" they can overthrow warmer people.

I got my taco to go and bid her a good evening. In hindsight she had very pretty eyes.

Is There Anyone Out There!?

Is there anyone out there that follows this blog ? If there is thank you. Also on a side note have a wonderful weekend! Its gorgeous here in the Pacific Northwest so enjoy it while you can. Tell someone that your thinking about them today and that you care about them. If your near her hug your mommy today....tell her that you love her as well. Go somewhere that overlooks something right before sunset and enjoy. It can be a building or a rock cliff or a treehouse ...use your imagination. Make someone breakfast tomorrow ...or at least coffee. Surprise your lover with a highschool makeout session in a car in the parking lot of the movies.....see where it goes.

Smile.

Find the song "Tennessee Whiskey" get it and listen to it...then go out buy some Tennessee whiskey and California wine and "sure have a good time!"

My City

I was inspired by a blog I'm following to post some pictures of Tacoma. I'm falling in love with this city.

These were taken in my neighborhood

Views from my awesome as hell apartment.

Thanks for the inspiration Ms. Jensen

What are you doing!?

You know what I like and crave relationships. I love to talk and entertain people meet new people and such. But for some reason I haven't been doing this for awhile. I would sit in my apartment alone and think "I can't go out and sit by myself ....I'll be that creepy bicycle guy in the corner". You know something.... even though I'm a guy its hard being alone and not having someone in your life on a regular basis. I need that.... we all do ...its nature versus nurture baby and I want some nurturing sucka!

I know I know your thinking Jesus man all your blog entries are sad and boohoo ...well I say no more! I live in an awesome, gritty, beautiful city and I'm going to take advantage of it. Thursday night movies at the raddest joint called the Red Hot ?! Heck yeah! (bartender bought my beers! I love girls with tattoos!) I'm going to start showing you the American dream from a bikers point of view ..from an urbanveloists' point of view. I'm going to share with you my everything like always. Case in point I'm still alone and without friends due to there jobs that take them to foreign places and such but I'm making new ones. I'm still without love in my life ..pure love the kind that makes you gooey inside and warm with want and feelings of being wanted...updates to come with that as well.

So in closing my travelers I will share with you this: I need to treat my life like a drug .....become addicted to this drug ...grow it then peddle my drug on the grit city streets to get others addicted to it.

P.S. Tall Girl why can't we be friends again?!

Being Alone and the sense of direction

I hate that feeling that you get when your alone. Not alone like i have on one in my life but "Alone". I live alone I have no roommates or live in girlfriend or sweet lil puppers that needs me to live and be taken for the poops. It makes me depressed and then in turn effects my relationship by manifesting venting sessions and snide comments or hurtful accusations. I analyze things that need not be and turn them into horrible bickering sessions that before you know it something hurtful has been said.

Its selfishness really I AM A SELFISH PERSON! I have the ability to be truly loving and warm and confident and well just as one person said it " climable". But when my immature ADD self has no hobby or constructive activity that occupies my mind and body I get lonely and bored. Which in turn becomes needy and wanting. I've thought about hypnosis. I want my bad thoughts department in my brain to be wiped out and then I can have a clean slate and be the person I know is awesome.

But that won't repair the damage that my selfishness has caused ...that my friends will take time. I know I can love and imbue that sense of warmth and comfort and overall big bear protection that women crave and need like a cat looking for the warm towels just out of the dryer. They kneed the towels with there eyes half closed settle into the warm pile and purrr with utter content. That is until the hyperactive destructive brat shows up and squirts that comfy cat with a water pistol.

I need someone to take away my water pistol.

Wheel of Fortune

Sometimes I feel like that contestant that wait's patiently for Bob to say " COME ON DOWN". Then slyly bidding 1 dollar just so I can win and get up with Bob give him a man hug and behind him opens your fate. Plinko.....thats your challenge. And you walk up to it confidently knowing full well this is your game. You have studied the very bounce and angle of each and every Plinko puck. You get three Plinko pucks and you skillfully play the first two. The crowd is going wild they have never seen such a comfortable and loving player/couple. Then all of a sudden you get complacent or cocky. You abandon your strategy and choose another Plinko puck path. And you fail .....miserably. You move on with some door prizes and some memories. And you begin to think about the decisions you have made and what could have been and should have been. You remember how loved and wonderful you were up there slinging your Plinko pucks. You remember how natural it was.

Kinda like life huh?

Jolted

We all have stories or memories that jolt us awake at night or make us quickly and violently shake our heads to clear the memory of such an event in our lives. I had a jolt the other night... I was back in Iraq remembering the fact that I forgot my clear-lensed glasses so I could see clearly without tears flooding my vision as I rode in the gunner's hatch of a an up-armored "hummer". I remmeber the three men with AK's and RPG's that in the middle of the night decided it was time to shoot at me ....and I remember depressing the trigger of a light machine gun with a laser clearly painted onto the chest of the center man and effectively cutting these gents in half.....I remember dreaming about the 6 hour "firefight"that ensued that night and the bullwhip snaps that are indicative of bullets flying ever so closely to your own head...the "ting ...ting...ting" of bullets slamming into your truck from some very angry people to your front/left.

Then being teleported via dreamscape to the scene of which you dealt with a dying child who was shot in the chest and having the bullet travel in such a way that it took all but a sliver of her pancreas out of her lower right side and exiting her young body and slamming into her 4 year old sisters leg .....then you are transported to the helicopter ride in which you stabilized this young girl so she could get surgery at your base ......and how you stood outside the surgery suite for 4 hours waiting for this innocent child to make it ........only because you can't help but think of your own sweethearted daughter who you know you would do anything for......thats when I'm jolted awake...........man I miss war...........

Zymurgy

I have been looking for a new hobby for quite awhile and I have officially become a Zymurgist. I have created such amazing craft brews and tasty ales! I can safely say at least to myself that it has become an obsession of mine and I'm getting good at doing it.....maybe I should've gotten a puppie

Solve

I ordered SOLVE stickers today at solvestickers I will plaster these here in my town to remember a man who I did not know personally but through his wonderful sister learned a great deal about.

I find that the morning sun lighting my wall in my apartment the most beautiful thing I will see all day. I find that when I'm not home for awhile I miss my train. I told someone this weekend that I feel very alone up in my apartment all by myself and my thoughts and my wants and desires to have a mate and a friend and this was the response "Yeah I don't know what I would do without my dogs". I cannot get back my babies being little munchkins I gave that up for a career that doesn't care for idle things like that. I'm scared that I have a problem with drinking due to the fact that for an entire month I have been drunk every night just so I can feel good about being so alone that I talk to myself.

Amazing

What?!

What the hell is Professional Toothpaste?!......What does that even mean?....Is there a league that I don't know about?

Coward

I told the government that I will no longer seek its employ. It was met with the words like " Your a coward!" and my favorite "war dodger". That was Friday of last week. Monday was like this "Hey what do you think about 500.00 extra dollars a month to go to Afghanistan!?".......come on we need you and your expertise!" My reply was "NO" there reply " You won't make it on the outside so enjoy the hell I will put you through while you wait to get out motherfucker!" 15 years I gave to the Army and 4 of that was with Special Forces (Green Beret not ranger) and this is how your government treats me. Thank you America.

FAIL

Why is it that I can overcome any work challenge or grueling physical and mental school/course SF can throw at me and still be a failure at life.

Missed Connections

I was recently on craigslist reading the missed connections section in the personals section. Let me be perfectly clear I fucking love this section! I reminds me of a song called "Personal" from the band called Stars. This section is a hi-tech version of faith and hope. I mean random people run into each other and an impression is made on a person then that person who believes whole-heartily in serendipitous moments that they pour there desires and hopes onto craigslist. I want to share some of the entries with you(this is obviously within the greater Seattle area)

to the guys giving out flowers near the ave - w4m - 19 (45th)

i was walking down 45th and you guys pulled over and announced over a loudspeaker that you wanted to give me a flower. made my fucking day, thanks !

Do you see the sheer human spirit here!? Beautiful !

I Was Right, Again - w4m - 44 (Mired in Memories at Town's End )

I wont contact you anymore, however still feel the need to off load. No one around me understands why i still think, miss and love you. i still think of you daily. it has been 5 months and still i crave you. everything i experienced and everything i still don't know about you.
you truly have no idea what i have seen and learned in this lifetime to know what i held for just a little while and why i knew then and still know now that nothing will ever compare.
i still love you deeply.

This one reminds me of a confessional really ...I mean she's telling us her most intimate thoughts ... maybe this is her way of letting go and saying sorry for what was lost and what could have been.

3rd and Columbia bus stop 5 PM... - w4m - 22 (3rd & Columbia)

I usually just skim the missed connections section just for kicks, but you are the first person who has ever made me want to run home and post here. We were standing at the bus stop in the freezing wind and I said something about how weird it was to need gloves after wearing T shirts all weekend. You agreed and then your bus came... I wish I had asked you to warm up with some coffee. You were wearing black converse and had shaggy brown hair. I was the girl with the brown ponytail going all over the place in a big light blue jacket. If you happen to be reading this e-mail me and let me know what bus you got on!

I picture an awkward lonely girl standing next to her version of tall,dark, handsome trying so desperately to find that rosetta stone to happiness and companionship. Dear awkward girl I want to hug you and pat your butt. I dunno why but I think you need it?!

Today at Trader Joe's in Queen anne - w4m

Just wanted to thank you for letting me use the fast/non chatty cashier...I felt bad you got stuck behind that couple. But you do have an incredible smile, and that made my day. :-)

I have a confession of my own that someday I might post to the missed connections of Craigslist

Dear Badger,

Just wanted to let you know that you have affected me in such a spiritual and emotional way that i doubt it will ever be fixed or compared to. What we shared in those wonderful 3 1/2 weeks will never be replicated and never forgotten. You have a permanent home within my heart so big that your 6 foot tall runway model beauty will never need to duck to enter. You will always be my Ione Skye and I will always be your LLoyd Dobler.

Always,

Shamrockdoc

Whiskey & Ginger

I recently came home from a business trip to a rural area of Washington State. I can tell without shame that I'm glad to be home in my urban apartment with the sounds of traffic and trains around me. But I want to share with you an experience I had out in the wilderness of the Olympic National Forest that you may enjoy. First of all let me tell you that I love the outdoors. I love hiking and camping and kayaking and bike riding and well shit you get the idea. So with that being said I was out hiking a trail in the BuckHorn area of the forest and I found this secondary trail that took you out to an overlook if you will. This over look encompassed an panoramic view of this gorgeous valley. I mean gorgeous... lush green pine trees and wilderness. I climbed out onto a large rock and sat down to listen to......well nothing....nothing at all. As I sat there in the quiet the sound of the wild began to flood my ears. I could hear a hawk calling out letting others know he was cruising his skies. I could hear the thunderous Dungeness River flowing through the valley. And the wind through the trees as well rustling the branches. It grew cold .....so cold in fact it began to snow while i was sitting on this rock with my feet dangling over the edge. I could help but smile as i put my wool cap on and then my mittens(yes mittens but there manly) at how peaceful snow seems to make any situation, place, or view. I sat there marveling at Gods work and the snowflakes that were collecting on my shoulders and legs. I felt really at one with the wild. Deciding it was time to go i gathered my backpack and readied myself to leave when I noticed the locals contribution to this beautiful spot. Shotgun shells as far as the eye could see was well as its apparent victims which were the shattered remains of what could only be the local Wal-Marts finest of dinnerware. Bacardi Silver bottles littered this shrine of beauty as well. Plastic Mountain Dew bottles were also present I mean what country bumpkin travels without this nectar of the Hank WIlliams Jr GODS! I was just gonna leave but I couldn't....I just couldn't go. I collected these pieces of trash all together. Put them in a neat little pile off to the side of the main trail. I worked like I was on autopilot. I wasn't mad or sad ...I had no emotions really I just couldn't leave this natural beauty with all this trash lying around.

I leave you with this: Pendleton & Ginger

take one part Pendleton Canadian whiskey, one part ginger ale and a hand full of ice. Stir and please enjoy.