Being Alone and the sense of direction

I hate that feeling that you get when your alone. Not alone like i have on one in my life but "Alone". I live alone I have no roommates or live in girlfriend or sweet lil puppers that needs me to live and be taken for the poops. It makes me depressed and then in turn effects my relationship by manifesting venting sessions and snide comments or hurtful accusations. I analyze things that need not be and turn them into horrible bickering sessions that before you know it something hurtful has been said.

Its selfishness really I AM A SELFISH PERSON! I have the ability to be truly loving and warm and confident and well just as one person said it " climable". But when my immature ADD self has no hobby or constructive activity that occupies my mind and body I get lonely and bored. Which in turn becomes needy and wanting. I've thought about hypnosis. I want my bad thoughts department in my brain to be wiped out and then I can have a clean slate and be the person I know is awesome.

But that won't repair the damage that my selfishness has caused ...that my friends will take time. I know I can love and imbue that sense of warmth and comfort and overall big bear protection that women crave and need like a cat looking for the warm towels just out of the dryer. They kneed the towels with there eyes half closed settle into the warm pile and purrr with utter content. That is until the hyperactive destructive brat shows up and squirts that comfy cat with a water pistol.

I need someone to take away my water pistol.

Wheel of Fortune

Sometimes I feel like that contestant that wait's patiently for Bob to say " COME ON DOWN". Then slyly bidding 1 dollar just so I can win and get up with Bob give him a man hug and behind him opens your fate. Plinko.....thats your challenge. And you walk up to it confidently knowing full well this is your game. You have studied the very bounce and angle of each and every Plinko puck. You get three Plinko pucks and you skillfully play the first two. The crowd is going wild they have never seen such a comfortable and loving player/couple. Then all of a sudden you get complacent or cocky. You abandon your strategy and choose another Plinko puck path. And you fail .....miserably. You move on with some door prizes and some memories. And you begin to think about the decisions you have made and what could have been and should have been. You remember how loved and wonderful you were up there slinging your Plinko pucks. You remember how natural it was.

Kinda like life huh?