I find that the morning sun lighting my wall in my apartment the most beautiful thing I will see all day. I find that when I'm not home for awhile I miss my train. I told someone this weekend that I feel very alone up in my apartment all by myself and my thoughts and my wants and desires to have a mate and a friend and this was the response "Yeah I don't know what I would do without my dogs". I cannot get back my babies being little munchkins I gave that up for a career that doesn't care for idle things like that. I'm scared that I have a problem with drinking due to the fact that for an entire month I have been drunk every night just so I can feel good about being so alone that I talk to myself.